Under the Weather

Today's blog post title definitely has a double meaning. Early evening Christmas Eve, we were witness to the first ever blizzard warning here in Tulsa. Not only that, but according to one of the news stations, this is only the fourth time in the past 106 years that we've had a White Christmas. Now, the snow doesn't bother me in the slightest. It's never stressed me out. I'm perfectly content curling up in some comfy sweat pants next to a roaring fire, reading books and playing games with my family. And, if we need to get out -- as we did later that evening to get home from Grana and Poppy's and the next afternoon to get to and from Nana's house – the Tahoe has 4-wheel drive, so we just take our time and head out on our merry way. No problem.

The title's other meaning? Well, yesterday morning was a little anticlimactic when both girls (especially Cadie) woke up not feeling well. Instead of squeals of delight coming down the hall, I heard shuffling feet, and muffled groans, then Cadie immediately climbed into my lap without even a glance at the stash that Santa had left. Skip to today and two out of four of us are down for the count. Cadie is doing much better, but I've joined the ranks of feeling not up to par. Nothing serious; Cadie's running a slight fever, but seems to be feeling much better, just a little whiny and clingy. I'm battling some drainage and a sore throat. All that to say, it's the day after Christmas and the girls are finally playing with their toys. We had hoped to attend a Christmas shindig at Auntie Lolo and Keke's house, but it looks like we're going to have to settle for a quiet night at home. Something tells me it's just what the doctor ordered.

Maddie's new Hannah Montana doll

I can't remember what she was pouting about, but it's darn cute.

Cadie's favorite princess is Snow White, so she LOVED

her dress that Nana got her.

I got these comfy socks for Christmas.  Maddie

decided they would make a good hat.

Still learning how to use my new camera...

Now, the socks have at least made it to her feet.

Cadie wore my other pair.

One of my new all-time favorite pictures.  So much personality.  :)

I Heart Santa

There are so many things I love about the holiday season. Warm, crackling fires, Christmas songs, and neatly tied ribbons to name a few. This year, though, my favorite thing has been Santa Claus. As kids, Santa was always a part of our celebration. For me, Santa Claus is what brings magic to the holiday. This year, we've made it a point to make sure the girls understand that Christmas is first and foremost the celebration of Jesus' birth and that our world would be lost without that night when he was placed safe and warm in a manger. But, I see no harm in Santa being a part of the celebration, too.

So, why has Santa been my favorite part of this holiday season? Because the girls are totally into it. The past couple of years, they've been somewhat aware of him, but this year, he's at the forefront. Cadie and Maddie started talking, at least a couple of months ago, about what Santa would bring them if they were good. It changed nearly every time. One day it was a "Jumping Judy guitar" (something that does not exist other than in their imaginations), another day they wanted a necklace with a heart. Late last week, I impulse bought them a new kitchen online (to the replace the two they already have...they outgrew them, all right!), so I subtly – then not-so-subtly -- started hinting that Santa might bring them a new kitchen. Every time Santa appears on a movie or TV show, the girls go nuts and start screaming about Santa Claus coming to town. For them, this year, he is very much real.

Last year, during my annual after-Christmas shopping for clearanced wrapping paper, tissue, and ribbon, I came across a Santa Claus mailbox kit at Hallmark. It was really cute (and really cheap), so I picked it up and figured we could use it this year. I'm so glad I got it. When we pulled down the Christmas decorations, I found it again and decided to put it to use.

This past Saturday, after our Patton Family Christmas, we sat the girls down to write their letters to Santa. Cadie and Maddie dictated, and I was responsible for translating and writing. They didn't need too much prompting. Maddie's letter said:

Dear Santa,

I have been a really good girl. Please bring me ice cream cones like Cadie with cups for the ice cream cones. Please bring me table to do crafts on. I would also like some Sleeping Beauty princess cups. I would also like more and more and more jewelry like a necklace. Can I please have a Sleeping Beauty big purse, too? I also want a pony that's real to ride on.

Love,

Maddie

Both of the girls have been aching for a pony. I'm not really sure where that came from, but I'm telling you right now, if we ever get the land we want, those girls are getting a pony! Next, Cadie wrote her letter:

Dear Santa,

I want a "pobo" stick. Maddie wants one, too. I'd also like an ABCDEFG Doodlebops. And an Old McDonald's had a farm. I'd also really like a Snow White necklace. And a Yo Gabba Gabba TV/computer. I've been a good girl, Santa.

Love,

Cadie

At this point, both of the girls were getting a little squirrely. Cadie was rambling off nonsense, then focused back in at the mention of jewelry (that's my girl!) Then, I had both of the girls sign their letters, put them in the envelope, and give it a special stamp. Then, we placed the letters in the magic mailbox as I explained how the mailbox sent letters straight to Santa with special Christmas magic. They seemed a little wary, but were willing to give a try. We got back to playing, and about an hour later I told them to go check the mailbox. They raced over to it, yanked open the door, and gasped when they found it empty. Cadie immediately asked, "Mommy, where did our letters go!" I answered that Santa had gotten the letters by magic through the mailbox. Their eyes grew wide and they squealed with excitement. I told them that Santa might write them back, so we would have to check it every once in a while.

Cue the next morning, when after crawling in bed with us and playing for a few minutes, I asked the girls if they'd checked the mailbox yet. Cadie put her hands over her mouth and screeched, then darted out of the room to check the mailbox. She was back in a flash, postcard in hand, and hurled herself on the bed. I read them the post card, that went a little something like this:

Dear Cadie and Maddie,

Thank you for your letters. I will do my best to bring you what you asked for. Be good. Remember, I'm watching!

Love,

Santa

Both of the girls were simply beside themselves. They couldn't believe Santa had written them a letter, then sent it to them via the magic mailbox. I love it!

Now, the girls are braced to meet the big man himself tonight at Grana and Poppy's. Santa always makes a special stop at their house while he's out delivering toys. I'm just crossing my fingers they aren't too clever for their own good. I'm afraid this may be the last year Poppy is able to take on Santa duty. We'll see!

Do You See What I See?

Although I'm now well into adulthood, I can still remember vividly waking up in the middle of the night as a child and "seeing" spiders, little elves, and even people creeping and crawling around my room. They were more than just nightmares; until I was old enough to realize any better, they were real. My little sister, Laura, has struggled with the same problem. My hallucinations, you might call them, faded away before my teen years, but Laura still jokes about her latest late night fiascos every once in a while. It seems we Wolfe girls come out just a tad crazy. Now, after last night with Maddie, I'm afraid it might be genetic.

She went to bed like any other night. Prayers, two stories (one told by her and one told by me), and a good night kiss. About 2:30, though, we heard her panicking, hollering from her room. To be completely honest, I don't have a clue which one of us went in there first, me or Jeff. I think I took the first couple of visits, then we traded off from there. It's not uncommon for one of them to wake up once in the middle of the night every now and then, for various reasons. They dropped their Bebe, they had a bad dream, or Maddie occasionally asks for a drink of water. I just assumed this was one of those instances. After two or three trips to her room, though, it became clear it was something more. Eventually, I was informed that there were "animal sticker monsters" in her room and they were trying to get her. I calmly reassured her that there was no such thing and that nothing was trying to get her. A few more visits, at least an hour and a half, and quite a bit of exhausted frustration later, we finally gave in and just brought her to bed with us. One would assume this would solve the problem and Maddie would fall right to sleep, safe and secure in Mommy and Daddy's bed. Nope. She laid there awake for at least another hour, flopping around, sitting up (I'm assuming to check for the monsters), and fidgeting her feet. I consider myself to be on the more generous end of patience with my children, but I was nearing the end of my rope. At some point, she must have fallen asleep because so did I.

I decided not to mention it in the morning. No sense it bringing it up again when I hoped out of mind would mean out of sight. She hasn't said anything about it today, so I'm hoping the entire incident is long forgotten. During the night, I didn't give it much thought, but then I remembered Cadie's traumatic worries of spider invasions not so many months ago, which sparked memories of my own concerns as a kiddo. It reminded me how real those fears were for me when I was little, too young to know the difference between real and a sleep-induced haze.

Today, I'm exhausted, and can only hope for a Silent Night (are you catching all the Christmas song puns?) I ache for Maddie, knowing all too well how all consuming that fear can be. So, if she does happen to wake up in the middle of the night again, I'll do my best to be especially patient, reassuring her that Mommy and Daddy would never let anything get her. Especially, animal sticker monsters.

Christmas: Take One

Between the two of us, Jeff and I have quite the extended family. Both of my parents are remarried, and a lot of Jeff's family comes in for Thanksgiving, so holidays used to be pretty hectic. A few years ago, though, pre-Cadie and Maddie, we started a schedule that has worked out really well for us. Instead of racing from house to house to house every holiday, we spend certain days with certain family members. On Thanksgiving, we spend pretty much the Wednesday before through Saturday evening with Jeff's family because so many relatives come in from out of town and they're only here once a year. For Christmas, we spend Christmas Eve with my dad and step-mom and Christmas day with my mom. A couple years back, Jeff's family started the tradition of celebrating Christmas the weekend before, which is fine with me because it means the celebration starts that much sooner! After we had the girls, we also started spending Christmas morning at home, just the four of us.

So, last night, we kicked off our Christmas celebrations (1 of 4) with a Patton Family Christmas. We had a yummy Italian spread of lasagna and spaghetti with meatballs, knowing full well we'd be getting our fill of turkey and dressing soon. Then, on to the really good stuff: presents. Opening presents used to be about the excitement of not knowing what I'd be getting; now, though, it's all about the look on the girls' faces when they open up their gifts. And, they got some great stuff including play food by Melissa & Doug from Grandma and Grandpa. They were the first things they opened, and I was worried they would have eyes for nothing else the rest of the evening. I grew up with Fisher Price Fun with Food, so I'm a bit of a play food snob, but I have to say, Melissa & Doug have gotten it right. They are the first ones to come out with a product that even comes close to comparing. Cadie got an ice cream set and Maddie got a cookie set. The ice cream set is so neat because there are magnets in the ice cream scoopers and the scoops of ice cream, so they can actually scoop the ice cream and it sticks until they drop it onto the cone. The cookie baking set is neat, too, because the cookies are fixed with Velcro so they stick to the cookie sheet, and they also stick together so they can "cut" the individual pieces to bake. Another hit was their jewelry box from Grandma and Grandpa, complete with costume jewelry to go inside. When it comes to jewelry, my girls definitely do not think "less is more"! They got a bunch of other great stuff including a giant set of coloring stuff from Uncle Julius and Aunt Kimberly.

Maddie & Daddy

Cadie & Uncle Julius

Aunt Kimberly shooting video

Grandma & Cadie

Maddie & her cookie set

Cadie scooping some ice cream

Cadie holding up the art set from Julius & Kimberly

Grandpa opening up his brand new tackle box!

Cadie admiring herself in the mirror of her new jewelry box.

Maddie & Julius, testing the new jewelry

Maddie & Daddy

Julius & Cadie

Maddie, all dolled up

Cadie

I have to say, though, that I got the best present of all; a very unexpected present. Even though we'd agreed that we wouldn't be buying gifts for one another (due to a recent purchase that is now hanging on the wall in our living room), my thoughtful husband presented me with a VERY generous gift: a brand new Canon 5D Mark II. This is the grand-daddy of cameras. Full frame, 21.1 megapixels, unbelievable ISO, and a bunch of other stuff most of you won't understand! There has been only one other time Jeff has managed to completely surprise me in our relationship (when he proposed), so now he's up to two. I'd say he's on a pretty good roll!

Finally, we wound down the night with a viewing of "Wild Hogs" while the girls (at least Cadie), drifted off to sleep in their Christmas jammies.

This morning, we woke to the heavenly aroma of homemade cinnamon rolls and fresh fried bacon. The girls scurried in while Jeff and I caught a few more winks. After a mug of hot chocolate, we loaded up our booty and headed home, one of four celebrations under our belt. If you ask me, we're off to a great start!

Cadie with her hot cocoa

Maddie with her hot cocoa

Finding a Balance

After Jeff was home from the Tenkiller job, I just knew everything would slow down and return back to normal. I didn't think about all of the stress, tiredness, and overall feeling of burnout that had built up over the previous six months. Nor did I consider the almost smothering explosion of my "side" business, bringing with it hours and hours of necessary editing time. Add to that the various commitments I willingly committed to (most because I wanted to) and the responsibilities that come along with said commitments. All together, it became too much. No longer was I able to be the wife and mother I want to be, that I am devoted to being. No matter what all the extra stuff means to me -- and believe me, some of it is very important to me – my first priority and responsibility will always be mother and wife. I had to make a choice, to save myself from drowning, so I took a step back and tried to get some balance back in my life.

I could immediately tell a difference in the girls. It's amazing how much kids soak up from their atmosphere. Once I was more relaxed and less stressed, so were they. Finally, I was able to get down and play with them, read to them, and laugh with them like I've always done. I missed that so much.

Now, I've learned my lesson. I can't continue to be the "yes" girl that I so often am; I hate to say "no", but not at the expense of my sanity and that of my family. I've limited my photography to certain parts of the week and put a self-imposed cap on the number of sessions per month. It seems ungrateful to complain; this business has become more successful than I ever could have imagined and I've made so many new friends in the process. I've cut back on the extracurricular events I've committed to, even though I love to have my hands in just about anything I can. These past few days I've literally felt a load slowly lift off of my shoulders (and neck!) What is it about us moms (and dads) that makes us feel like we should (and can) do everything? Even when it's at the expense of what and who matters most. Well, I say no more! I'm tired of spreading myself too thin. From now on, it's all about my family.

Vaccinated

Amid all the H1N1 flurry, I kept going back and forth between vaccinating and not vaccinating. It made me nervous that the vaccine had been creating so quickly. Had there been time to adequately test it? On the other hand, I'm terrified at the possibility of the girls getting that particular strain of flu. One of two theories is true when it comes to the girls' immune systems. Either their immune systems are weaker due to their prematurity and overall sickness at birth or their immune systems are stronger due to the duress under which they were born and the following months of ailment after ailment their systems were forced to fend off. I'd like to think their little bodies are stronger after what they've been through, but who's to say for sure? In the end, it was a conversation with the girls' neonatologist, Dr. Lawson, that clenched it for me. When I asked what he recommended, he responded, without a second's hesitation, "Get it." That's all I needed to hear. Dr. Lawson got us through the girls' hospital stays; we trusted him with their lives, so his opinion carries a lot of weight.


Once the decision to get the vaccine was made, it became a matter of where to get it. Despite watching their pediatrician's website, we missed securing some of the initial delivery of the vaccine. When I called to make an appointment, it was all spoken for. We considered taking the girls to one of the various clinics that have been offered all over town by the city on the weekends, but Jeff argued that the girls would likely be exposed to more in line waiting for the vaccine than if we carried on as usual and waited for more to arrive at Dr. Mayberry's office. I agreed.

Tuesday of last week, I called Dr. Mayberry's office for a completely unrelated reason, but decided to ask about getting on a waiting list for the vaccine while I was at it. It just so happened that they had received a new shipment that morning. After finding out there was a lack of afternoon appointments, I picked the girls up from school and took them to finally get their vaccines. The fear of them becoming sick, and God forbid, something horrible happening to one of them after everything they (and we) have already been through had been gnawing at me for too long. Inaction isn't something I handle well, so I can't explain adequately the relief I felt at finally doing something. The girls are old enough and healthy enough to get the mist version of the vaccine, so our visit was quick and painless. They took their squirts up the nose like pros and delighted in the Dora stickers they were able to proudly sport when they returned to school. And I delighted in the fact that I could finally breathe a sigh of relief.

Rise and Shine...

...and go back to bed! Before Daylight Savings, Cadie woke –like clockwork—every morning at 7:30. I'm fine with 7:30. Since Daylight Savings, though, Cadie has woken every morning promptly at 6:45. Really? 6:45? I had a hard enough time getting up that early when I was teaching; why would I get up that early now that I don't have to? Mind you, my bedtime is often well past midnight, so don't look on me as a whiner just yet. I'm a night owl; always have been, likely always will be. Cadie will come around, eventually. Until then, she'll just have to settle for cuddling up with me first thing in the morning, and finding a way to drift back to sleep for at least another 45 minutes...or more.

The Nebulizer

A couple of weeks ago, after what had seemed like days and days of coughing, my worried mother brain couldn't take it anymore, so we took the girls in for a check-up with Dr. Mayberry. Fears of H1N1 swarmed my brain. I was more concerned for Maddie, who'd been hacking and rattling for at least a week despite daily doses of doctor prescribed Benadryl. After the exam, though, it turned out Maddie was perfectly fine, just fighting off some little bug. Cadie, on the other hand, having just begun some slight wheezing that morning, would need to be checked to make sure there wasn't an infection in her lungs.

So, we headed off to x-ray. Distracted by stickers depicting various beloved characters like Hannah Montana, Mr. Incredible, and Spongebob, Cadie stood dutifully still as the tech took a couple of pictures of her lungs. Dr. Mayberry reported that all was well and her lungs were clear, but she wanted to get rid of the wheeze, so she prescribed some breathing treatments. She asked if we still had the nebulizer we'd gotten when Cadie had had pneumonia last winter. Turns out, that nebulizer was meant to permanently be ours after a 10-month period of rent-to-own with our insurance company. I'd misunderstood and returned it as soon as Cadie had recovered, no one from the medical supply company finding the need to correct me. Dr. Mayberry sent us home with a brand new one and with instructions not to give it back this time.

Cadie responded to the breathing treatments beautifully, as she always has. Though it's been years since I've felt the fear of one of the girls being in mortal danger, it's been such a comfort to know that nebulizer rests comfortably in the girls' bathroom cabinet, a generous supply of albuterol nestled just one shelf above. This evening, after a day of raking leaves and playing in the unseasonably warm weather, I noticed Cadie had an "almost wheeze". How convenient it was to pull the nebulizer from its perch and treat the condition right away. Cadie has become so comfortable with the treatments (though she's only received a handful), that she fell asleep just a couple of minutes into tonight's treatment, curled up on my lap in the rocking chair. I'll always be so grateful that out of all the things she suffered during her hospital stay and since, we can always count on the amazing response she has to the nebulizer and the medicine it provides.

The Hair Girls

Yesterday was quite the day.

The girls spent the better part of the morning playing "beauty shop". At one point, Maddie even announced that they would now be known as "the hair girls". They ran around the house with my eyelash curler, pretending to cut one another's hair and giggling as they huddled up in the corner of our bathroom, grooming one another.

Later, that afternoon, as I cleaned up in the kitchen, I could hear the girls in our bedroom chattering and playing. At one point, Maddie announced, "Mommy, we're cutting our hair!" Of course, I immediately assumed they had once again taken up with my eyelash curler. A little voice in my head questioned that assumption, though, so I headed back to our room, just to be sure. This is what I found:

The carnage was unbearable. There, on the floor, laid the remains of Maddie's beautiful blond curls and Cadie's pretty brown locks. They froze at my gasp, scissors still in hand. They were caught in the act, although it was immediately obvious they had no idea they were doing something wrong. I truly believe they thought they were pretending, though the snippets of hair should have been a good clue to them that they weren't. I couldn't do anything but laugh. There was no undoing what they'd done, and there was no sense in punishing them because the tears and uncontrollable sobs that followed after I explained to and showed them what they had done to their hair were punishment enough. They each spent the rest of the day randomly stating, "I'm not going to play with scissors anymore because I'll get in trouble."

When Jeff got home, he didn't immediately notice their hair, but the pile of their locks on our bedroom floor must have clued him into the fact that something had gone down. His response? Uproarious laughter. Maddie later explained to him that she now had hair just like his.

Cadence

Madeline (clearly the worse of the two)

After the initial shock, I was able to survey the damage and realized it wasn't all that bad. Because they were cutting one another's hair and not their own, they'd limited the carnage to the backs of their heads, not the front or tops. Bangs and roots were left intact, thank goodness. Although I've been trimming the girls' hair since they were born, there was no way I was going to even attempt to salvage what was left, so first thing this morning, I made an appointment for them with my hairstylist, explaining that I wasn't expecting a miracle, just improvement as much as possible.

So, this afternoon, we headed out to Owasso on a recovery mission. The girls were a little hesitant after yesterday's debacle, but luckily, they have gone with me to get my haircut for months now, so it wasn't completely foreign to them. Laura was able to do more than just salvage what was left. By some miracle, she was able to make both of them look pretty darn cute, a feat especially impressive with Maddie's hair as she definitely suffered the worse of the two.

And, proving that I'm just about the most awesome mom ever, because the girls did so well getting their hair "fixed", I even took them for an ice cream afterwards!

What do you think of the new do's?

Madarazzi

Maddie has the photography bug. A couple months back, she managed to get a hold of Grana's point and shoot, and she just hasn't been able to get enough of it since. She even tries to handle my monster cameras (to which I respond, "Ahh! No! Put that down!")

Check out some of her "work" below.

Bookworms

For those of you who know me well, you know my love for literature. I love it all; young adult, children's, classics, fantasy. So, my literary heart just swells with pride when I see the girls cuddle up with a book, reading in their own little ways, seeming to love something just as much as I do. And, just like me, the girls don't seem to discriminate. Their tastes vary, but they definitely have their favorites:

Where's Waldo? – We spent a good three weeks "reading" this book every night (and sometimes earlier during that same day). We've gotten to the point where the girls don't even have to think about where Waldo is hiding. They simply take turns, "Cadie's turn" then "Maddie's turn", pointing straight to Waldo without a second's hesitation. What's neat about this book, though, is that it's one of the first printings circa 1989, a copy that I grew up with.

The Napping House – We went through a phase of reading this book every night before bed. The girls grew so accustomed to reading it, they began reciting the pages while I read, occasionally helping me with the self-imposed sound effects.

The Goodnight Train – Another book that rotates through our bedtime routine. This one always took longer than it should have because the girls insisted on pointing out various pictures, including the mermaid perched on a rock, applying her night cream. This book will always be special to me because it combines Cadie's love for trains and the moon.

Olivia & Madeline – Ages ago, the girls' godparents, Mollie and Scuba, bought a book for the girls in which the title included their name. In Cadence's case, there aren't many books with "Cadence" in the title, so her middle name sufficed. These books are fun and entertaining, with great artwork and easy to follow stories. Now, after reading through them several times, the girls sit down and "read" them by themselves, often relating exact lines and parts of the stories.

There Was an Old Lady Who Swallowed a Fly – We actually have two variations of this book. I'm quite fond of the second one because it includes the line, "popped open her throat and swallowed a goat!" The girls and I have a great time "reading" this one, using silly voices and embracing our lower registers.

I Love You, Stinky Face – Quite possibly my favorite one out of the bunch, I love this book because it essentially tells of a mother's unconditional love for her child.

"But Mama, but Mama, what if I were a super smelly skunk, and I smelled so bad that my name was Stinky Face?"

"Then I'd plunk you in a bubble bath! But if you still smelled stinky, I wouldn't mind. I'd whisper in your ear, 'I love you, Stinky Face.'"

Candle's Bible for Toddlers & The One Year Devotions for Preschoolers – The girls tote these books around just about everywhere. As part of our bedtime routine, we read a bible story or two, then the day's devotional. Now, as a rule, we have to allow for at least five minutes or so for the girls to "read" from both books. I smile every time I watch Cadie, her nose in the Bible book, "reading" about Damuel (Samuel) and Noah. And Maddie is always very serious about making sure she reads from the correct page of the daily devotional. I love that the girls don't feel threatened by the word of God, but rather they embrace it. What makes these books even better? They were a gift for their 3rd birthdays from their good friend, Grace.

I know we have years and years of good books ahead of us. I couldn't have been more proud the other day, when standing in the middle of one of the toy aisles at Target, Madeline said, "Mom, why don't we go look at the books for our prize instead? I think that would be better." Wise, choice, Madeline. Wise choice.

Room to Love

Last Wednesday, Jeff and I were extended the privilege of attending the dedication and grand opening of the new NICU in the Children's Hospital at Saint Francis. We had every intention of taking the girls with us, but had to leave them at home when they woke that morning with fever and a cough. Earlier in October, we were honored to be invited for a private tour of the new unit (girls in tow that time) while being interviewed by the Tulsa World. At a loss for any other description, I call the new unit "NICU heaven". There really aren't words. I know from a medical professional's perspective, the new unit, spread over 30,000 square feet on the top floor of the new Children's Hospital, poses a myriad of obstacles and adjustments, but from a parent's perspective, the new unit is a dream. This unit boasts private rooms, with several big enough to accommodate multiples. For us, that would have meant Cadence and Madeline being together for the entire duration of their stay, rather than jumping around the old unit when beds/isolettes were available. There are windows in well over half of the rooms, allowing the comfort of natural light to creep in, something we saw only when we left the old unit. Each room has a couch of its very own, and even a rocking chair. In the old unit, parents had to "fight" over rockers for Kangaroo Care, while dodging bulky equipment like ventilators and portable X-ray machines. In the new unit, rooms are equipped with small fridges, cabinets, a sink, and mirror. I imagine what it would have been like to store breast milk for the girls in the fridge, their home-washed clothes in the cabinets, and having a sink and mirror to freshen up on occasion. There is even a curtain that can be pulled to close out the rest of the world in times of privacy like breastfeeding for the first time, which I did behind a make-shift screen in the middle of a very busy EOPC unit. The sheer amount of privacy possible is incomprehensible to me, when we spent 105 days doing our best to respect the privacy of other babies and their families around us.

I don't regret any moment or experience we had in the EOPC, good or bad. Those moments led us to where we are today and I wouldn't change that for the world. But, I can't help but think of how much different our experience would have been had we been visitors to the new, beautiful unit that rests five floors above the Saint Francis grounds. We certainly have no plans to be parents of patients in the new facility, but as strange as it sounds, I can't stop myself from being thrilled and optimistic for the families of the tiny patients that now inhabit the new EOPC. I can't ever say enough how impactful the staff at Saint Francis was and has been on our lives; the quality of the facility finally matches the quality of the staff. And, in an ideal world, no hospital would have need for a NICU, but if there are fragile and sick babies that come into this world, I can't think of a better place for them to be.

Escape Plan

I'm never sure of what is going through Madeline's head. What I wouldn't give to spend a few minutes in her thoughts. I'm sure it's fascinating. Lately, she's taken to asking one particular question over and over: "How are we going to get out of here?" The strangest thing is she isn't scared or concerned; there's no worry or anxiety behind the question. She just wants to know. When we went to Disney on Ice during the fair, the first thing she asked was, "Mommy, how are we all going to get out of here?" She didn't comment on the ice, the balloons and cotton candy. She didn't admire the enormous banner painted with the faces of Disney characters she loves and adores. Instead, she wanted to know our escape plan. The only thing I can figure is that they have recently talked about firemen in school. Maybe the talk of firemen led to a discussion of getting out of the house in case of fire? We were always taught in school that every family should have an escape plan in place in case of a house fire. And if Maddie does anything, she pays attention. It may not seem like she is, but I am telling you now, that girl hears everything! Every time she asks, I try and give her a calm and logical answer. So far, that seems to be good enough for her.

The Secret

Every night, when we put the girls to bed, I ask them if they want to hear a secret. Without fail, of course, they say, "Yes!" So, I lean down and whisper in their ear, "Did you know you're my favoritest Madde/Cadie in the whole world?" They always smile. Yesterday, after I had been gone most of the day for photo shoots, Maddie came up to me and said, "Mommy, do you wanna know a secret?" I replied, "Of course!" Then, she leaned in and whispered in my ear, "You're the greatest Mommy in the whole world." I looked at her sweet face, said "thank you", and tried my darnedest not to cry.

Whole Again

Today marks the beginning of the first week Jeff will be home EVERY night in six months. Last Spring, he and his business partner started a massive job on a house at Lake Tenkiller. I can't complain because this job has been a HUGE blessing to our family, but I've been ready for it to be over for a couple of months now. Since the start of this job, I've essentially been a single mom during the week, though I've had loads of help from family and friends. It's not even the added responsibility, though, that's had me ready for this job to end. It's simple: I miss my husband. And even more, the girls miss their daddy. The first couple of months they noticed, of course, that he was gone, but didn't really seem to understand the timing of his absence. As they've gotten older, though, and gained a better grasp of time, they've become very aware of him being away. My heart has broken every time Maddie has asked or cried for her daddy because she needs to give him a hug. Every time I've had to rock and cuddle a sobbing Cadie because she misses him so much, my heart has ached. I've missed him, too, probably more than I've realized. Although I've adjusted to taking care of the girls on my own, I've just recently understood how much Jeff's being gone has affected my overall attitude. The past six months I've operated at a level which has left me always feeling just a little sad. On the weekends, I've gotten to see a glimpse of my old self, bubbly, silly, and overall happy. Throughout our twelve year relationship, I guess I never fully understood how much being with Jeff makes me, me.

Last week, I started explaining to the girls that their daddy would once again be home every night very soon. They looked at me, wide-eyed and Maddie said, "You mean we'll get to see him every night?" It broke my heart and made me smile at the same time. Now that Jeff's home, I know we're finally whole again.

Star Student

This past week at school, Cadie was the "Star Student" for her class. When I picked them up earlier this week, she proudly showed me her certificate stating her "start status". Maddie looked up at me, tears in her eyes and sadness in her voice, and asked where her certificate was. I sighed, knowing this would be something we'd be facing quite frequently in the future. I explained to her that Cadie had won the award this month, but if she continued to be a good girl and a good student in class, she would be sure to win the award sometime in the future. After a couple more whines and a few tears, she accepted my explanation and moved on to wanting to know where her customary cup of root beer and chocolate chip cookie were.

Thank goodness for short attention spans!

Sleep, Interrupted

I always thought the age of three would be a safe bet for no longer being woken up in the middle of the night. That was something we dealt with when we had newborns, then when the girls were adjusting to their room and sleeping in big girl beds. Age three is supposed to be a safe distance from interrupted sleep, except for the occasional nightmare or thunderstorm. Apparently, Cadie didn't get the memo.

Because Jeff's been working out of town for the past six months, I'm on my own during the week. This means, nearly every night when Cadie wakes up two or three times, it's up to me to get her back to sleep. I don't know if I would be less annoyed by it if she was waking up because of a bad dream or because she was scared; probably so. Lately, though, she's been waking up for no apparent reason. When she calls for me, she isn't frightened, upset, in a panic. She's just sitting in her bed, sometimes needing me to retrieve her doll or Bebe. It usually doesn't take much to get her back to sleep, either, but I'm up enough times to feel the effects the next day. There's something so un-restful about sleep interrupted. If she weren't so darn cute...

Oh, please, let this be a short phase!

What Time Is It?

At this age, I never really know what is going to come out of the girls' mouths, let alone where they got the idea to say it. Lately, Cadie has been obsessed with knowing what time it is. Usually, I try to answer her, but after I've been asked every two minutes for an hour, I sometimes lose my patience. Who knows why she's constantly asking? Or if the answers of "5:45, half past three, or almost 9" really mean anything to her. I know she understands when my answer is "bedtime", though!

The Silent Treatment

Every night, after I've tucked the girls into bed, Maddie whines for me to hold her hand for a while. It never fails. I try to explain to her that she's a big girl and that she doesn't need me to hold her hand (though in my head I'm thinking, "You should just hold her hand for a while! It won't be long before she doesn't want to hold your hand anymore!"). I probably would, too, if I didn't know Maddie. If I thought it would help her go to sleep faster, I'd do it in a heartbeat, but with Maddie, it would just prolong her actually falling asleep. She loves a good distraction.

A couple of nights ago, as I tucked her into bed, she responded with the usual, "Mommy, hold my hand for a while!" I leaned over and whispered to her, "Maddie, you have Bebe and Dolly, why don't you hold their hands?" She looked at me, the tone of her voice the equivalent of rolling her eyes, and said, "Ugh. But, Mom, they don't talk!" I chuckled under my breath and proceeded to explain to her that was exactly what she needed, quiet toys to love on so she can go to sleep. She sighed and looking disappointedly at her dolls said, "But I want to talk."

At least she's honest.

Family & Friends Gala

Every year the March of Dimes here in Tulsa hosts two signature events. The first event being March for Babies in April, the second, Gourmet Gala in October. This past Saturday was this year's Gourmet Gala, the 20th Anniversary, no less. Unfortunately, we weren't able to attend. But, instead of wallowing in self pity, we decided to turn our family dinner celebrating the visit of family member from out of town into our very own Gourmet Gala, Patton style!

So, Saturday morning, my sister-in-law, Kimberly, my mother-in-law, Janet, and I began cooking. And, oh did we cook! We wanted to observe the general set-up of the Gala, which includes a myriad of restaurants that come to serve one of their signature dishes. That evening you don't have a meal, per se, but a taste of what can be expected at the various restaurants that attend. So, we went for variety. Here's the menu:

• Potato Skins
• Chicken & Artichoke Dip
• Spinach Dip in Pumpernickel bread
• Chicken Wings
• Mock Champagne Punch
• Homemade Rolls
• Three Bean Salad
• Jell-O Pretzel Salad
• Brisket
• Turkey Sliders
• Chicken Stuffed Shells
• Corn Chowder
• Cinnamon Glazed Carrots
• Sweet Potato Casserole
• Luscious Four Layer Pumpkin Cake
• German Chocolate Cake
• Oreo Cookie Dessert
• Banana Cream Supreme

Needless to say, no one wanted for food. After a long day's work, we were proud of the spread we laid out. That evening, we enjoyed the fellowship of family and those friends closest to us that we call them family as well, celebrating the friendships we have and the success we've found as a family team for the March of Dimes. And, most importantly, we recognized, as the girls ran around with their friend, Grace, playing and laughing, how lucky we are that the girls are here today.

Keke & Lolo

Mollie & Scuba

Mike & Linda

Julius & Kimberly

Jack & Mike

Grace

The Cooks: Kimberly, Janet, & Me

Jeff's partner, Drew, and his wife, Mindi

The men, gathered round the food

Maddie & Nana

Julie & Grace

Frank, Julie, & Grace