Whole Again

Today marks the beginning of the first week Jeff will be home EVERY night in six months. Last Spring, he and his business partner started a massive job on a house at Lake Tenkiller. I can't complain because this job has been a HUGE blessing to our family, but I've been ready for it to be over for a couple of months now. Since the start of this job, I've essentially been a single mom during the week, though I've had loads of help from family and friends. It's not even the added responsibility, though, that's had me ready for this job to end. It's simple: I miss my husband. And even more, the girls miss their daddy. The first couple of months they noticed, of course, that he was gone, but didn't really seem to understand the timing of his absence. As they've gotten older, though, and gained a better grasp of time, they've become very aware of him being away. My heart has broken every time Maddie has asked or cried for her daddy because she needs to give him a hug. Every time I've had to rock and cuddle a sobbing Cadie because she misses him so much, my heart has ached. I've missed him, too, probably more than I've realized. Although I've adjusted to taking care of the girls on my own, I've just recently understood how much Jeff's being gone has affected my overall attitude. The past six months I've operated at a level which has left me always feeling just a little sad. On the weekends, I've gotten to see a glimpse of my old self, bubbly, silly, and overall happy. Throughout our twelve year relationship, I guess I never fully understood how much being with Jeff makes me, me.

Last week, I started explaining to the girls that their daddy would once again be home every night very soon. They looked at me, wide-eyed and Maddie said, "You mean we'll get to see him every night?" It broke my heart and made me smile at the same time. Now that Jeff's home, I know we're finally whole again.

Star Student

This past week at school, Cadie was the "Star Student" for her class. When I picked them up earlier this week, she proudly showed me her certificate stating her "start status". Maddie looked up at me, tears in her eyes and sadness in her voice, and asked where her certificate was. I sighed, knowing this would be something we'd be facing quite frequently in the future. I explained to her that Cadie had won the award this month, but if she continued to be a good girl and a good student in class, she would be sure to win the award sometime in the future. After a couple more whines and a few tears, she accepted my explanation and moved on to wanting to know where her customary cup of root beer and chocolate chip cookie were.

Thank goodness for short attention spans!

Sleep, Interrupted

I always thought the age of three would be a safe bet for no longer being woken up in the middle of the night. That was something we dealt with when we had newborns, then when the girls were adjusting to their room and sleeping in big girl beds. Age three is supposed to be a safe distance from interrupted sleep, except for the occasional nightmare or thunderstorm. Apparently, Cadie didn't get the memo.

Because Jeff's been working out of town for the past six months, I'm on my own during the week. This means, nearly every night when Cadie wakes up two or three times, it's up to me to get her back to sleep. I don't know if I would be less annoyed by it if she was waking up because of a bad dream or because she was scared; probably so. Lately, though, she's been waking up for no apparent reason. When she calls for me, she isn't frightened, upset, in a panic. She's just sitting in her bed, sometimes needing me to retrieve her doll or Bebe. It usually doesn't take much to get her back to sleep, either, but I'm up enough times to feel the effects the next day. There's something so un-restful about sleep interrupted. If she weren't so darn cute...

Oh, please, let this be a short phase!

What Time Is It?

At this age, I never really know what is going to come out of the girls' mouths, let alone where they got the idea to say it. Lately, Cadie has been obsessed with knowing what time it is. Usually, I try to answer her, but after I've been asked every two minutes for an hour, I sometimes lose my patience. Who knows why she's constantly asking? Or if the answers of "5:45, half past three, or almost 9" really mean anything to her. I know she understands when my answer is "bedtime", though!

The Silent Treatment

Every night, after I've tucked the girls into bed, Maddie whines for me to hold her hand for a while. It never fails. I try to explain to her that she's a big girl and that she doesn't need me to hold her hand (though in my head I'm thinking, "You should just hold her hand for a while! It won't be long before she doesn't want to hold your hand anymore!"). I probably would, too, if I didn't know Maddie. If I thought it would help her go to sleep faster, I'd do it in a heartbeat, but with Maddie, it would just prolong her actually falling asleep. She loves a good distraction.

A couple of nights ago, as I tucked her into bed, she responded with the usual, "Mommy, hold my hand for a while!" I leaned over and whispered to her, "Maddie, you have Bebe and Dolly, why don't you hold their hands?" She looked at me, the tone of her voice the equivalent of rolling her eyes, and said, "Ugh. But, Mom, they don't talk!" I chuckled under my breath and proceeded to explain to her that was exactly what she needed, quiet toys to love on so she can go to sleep. She sighed and looking disappointedly at her dolls said, "But I want to talk."

At least she's honest.

Family & Friends Gala

Every year the March of Dimes here in Tulsa hosts two signature events. The first event being March for Babies in April, the second, Gourmet Gala in October. This past Saturday was this year's Gourmet Gala, the 20th Anniversary, no less. Unfortunately, we weren't able to attend. But, instead of wallowing in self pity, we decided to turn our family dinner celebrating the visit of family member from out of town into our very own Gourmet Gala, Patton style!

So, Saturday morning, my sister-in-law, Kimberly, my mother-in-law, Janet, and I began cooking. And, oh did we cook! We wanted to observe the general set-up of the Gala, which includes a myriad of restaurants that come to serve one of their signature dishes. That evening you don't have a meal, per se, but a taste of what can be expected at the various restaurants that attend. So, we went for variety. Here's the menu:

• Potato Skins
• Chicken & Artichoke Dip
• Spinach Dip in Pumpernickel bread
• Chicken Wings
• Mock Champagne Punch
• Homemade Rolls
• Three Bean Salad
• Jell-O Pretzel Salad
• Brisket
• Turkey Sliders
• Chicken Stuffed Shells
• Corn Chowder
• Cinnamon Glazed Carrots
• Sweet Potato Casserole
• Luscious Four Layer Pumpkin Cake
• German Chocolate Cake
• Oreo Cookie Dessert
• Banana Cream Supreme

Needless to say, no one wanted for food. After a long day's work, we were proud of the spread we laid out. That evening, we enjoyed the fellowship of family and those friends closest to us that we call them family as well, celebrating the friendships we have and the success we've found as a family team for the March of Dimes. And, most importantly, we recognized, as the girls ran around with their friend, Grace, playing and laughing, how lucky we are that the girls are here today.

Keke & Lolo

Mollie & Scuba

Mike & Linda

Julius & Kimberly

Jack & Mike

Grace

The Cooks: Kimberly, Janet, & Me

Jeff's partner, Drew, and his wife, Mindi

The men, gathered round the food

Maddie & Nana

Julie & Grace

Frank, Julie, & Grace

Why Because?

I've always appreciated a healthy curiosity and imagination. As a teacher, I encouraged my students to have opinions and ask questions. As a parent, I've always tried to answer the girls' inquiries with as realistic an explanation as possible. I've even been complimented for this by complete strangers. Now, I'm being punished.

Cadie's always been our sponge. Recently, it looks as though she is seeking an understanding of all those things she's quietly observed. Her choice phrase these days? "Why because?"

For example:

Cadie: "Mommy, why is that girl wearing those things in her nose?" As she points to a woman who has a nasal cannula for supplemental oxygen.

Me: Trying as discreetly as possible to answer her question. "Because sometimes people need help breathing. Those are in her nose to help her breathe. You and sister had those when you were in the hospital."

Cadie: "Why because?"

Me: "Because you were born early and you were sick, so you needed help breathing."

Cadie: "Oh yeah."

This exchange? Not so bad. I'm happy to explain those unknowns that they are faced with every day, especially when they deal with people being a little different. We came across a kiddo in the mall with a disability that had him confined to a wheelchair and unable to speak or move. Cadie asked why he was in a wheelchair and I proceeded to explain. I don't want them to be afraid of people who are different, but I also want them to know enough that it keeps them from pointing and/or staring.

Not all exchanges are this useful, though. Example:

Cadie: "Mommy, why is that giraffe eating?"

Me: "I imagine it's his lunch time and he's hungry."

Cadie: "Why because?"

Me: "Well, animals get hungry just like we do, so they eat."

Cadie: "Why because?"

Me: (Growing a teensy bit impatient) "Because animals and people both need to eat so they have energy to play."

Cadie: "But, why because?"

Me: "Because that's just the way it is, Cadie."

Sometimes that's just what it comes down to.  I even pull out the "Because that's the way God made things" explanation every once in a while.  It usually suffices as well. I knew I'd been using the old tried and true, "Because that's the way it is" explanation too many times, though, when the other day Cadie asked me a question, to which I began to explain. A couple of explanations into it, she looked at me and said, "Is it because that's just the way it is, Mommy?" I laughed and said, "That's right!"

First Day of School

Last year, I had such a hard time with the thought of sending the girls to Mother's Day Out. I wasn't sure if they were ready. This year, September 8th couldn't come soon enough! With Jeff being gone most of the week, I was ready for the break. And, the girls love school; they love spending time with their friends, adore their teachers, and learn so much. They didn't even have to adjust to new teachers, as Ms. Jeri and Ms. Stefanie decided to move classrooms with them.

That morning, we all three reluctantly climbed out of bed. I dressed them both in their new outfits bought especially for their first day, packed their lunches, snapped a quick photo, and we headed out. It took several weeks last year for Cadie to go in to class without tears, so I braced myself for the possibility. Even when she got better, she reverted after I was gone on vacation last spring, so I was crossing my fingers it would be a tear-free morning. As I hoped, there was nothing to worry about. Neither one of them put up the slightest fuss; they were thrilled to be back at school and in a more spacious classroom no less!

That afternoon, I picked them up from school, bringing our traditional cup of root beer and a cookie, their treat for being big girls all day. They chattered excitedly about their day, spouting off friends' names and singing new and old songs. I was relieved they'd had a good day, but I would be lying if I didn't confess that a tiny part of me was sad that they had done so well without me. They truly are big girls now.

2009

2008

They've grown so much!

The End of an Era

The past couple of months, any moment that includes the girls going to sleep has been a nightmare. I knew what was happening, but thought if I ignored it or finagled around it, I could delay the inevitable. Nap time became a daily chore. I tried everything; lying down with them, separating them, threatening them, staring them down...you name it. Most days, after well over an hour of trying, I would eventually get them to sleep. Each of them would sleep for at least an hour-and-a-half, a short and sweet taste of silence for me. The downside? Bedtime. Refreshed from their afternoon nap, many nights it would be 10 or 10:30 before they would start calming down and dozing off. That put them in their beds for 1 ½ to 2 hours before falling asleep! And, of course, those 1 ½ to 2 hours included me making multiple trips back to their bedroom to console, threaten, fix blankets, answer questions, pick up Bebes or random stuffed animals, give one more sugar or hug, and so on. By the end of the day, I was too wiped to do much more than sit on the couch and lose myself in a TV show of my choice. Nothing was getting done.

So, earlier this week, I finally accepted that the nap era has come to an end. It just became more fight than it was worth. And, how has the week gone? Tremendously well! The girls play well during the day, and although they start getting a little cranky after dinner, they're out just about the moment their little heads hit the pillow at 8 o'clock. The evening has once again become "me time" for mommy, and I'm back to getting things done!

I remember the dread when the morning nap became painfully unnecessary. I treated the loss of their afternoon nap as much the same, but really it's been easy. I think the more painful realization that comes with this change is that it is just another sign that they are growing up. Much too quickly if you ask me.

Epiphany

Last night, as I lay in bed, winding down from the day, I had one of those moments. It was one of those times in life when the reality of something hits you smack in the middle of the eyes. I've been a mother for nearly three and a half years now, but just last night, the weight of that responsibility came crashing down on me. It isn't like I've spent the first three years of the girls' lives completely unaware of my role as their mom, oblivious to the fact that Jeff and I are 100 percent responsible for raising them to be good, caring, generous, loving, Christ-like, honest individuals. It was just one of those moments that sideswipes you, when the full impact of that responsibility seems terribly heavy.

I'm proud of who the girls are today, always have been. Madeline is clever, silly, surprisingly honest, and very forgiving. She has a laugh that is incredibly contagious, protects her sister, says "please" and "thank you", and doesn't let anyone walk all over her. Cadence is tender-hearted, loving, affectionate, a whiz with puzzles and anything else that requires problem solving. She often puts others before herself, already takes her faith very seriously, and is always ready with an "I love you". I happen to think they're pretty fantastic, but in that moment, I worried that maybe they're too fantastic. Isn't that a horrible thing for a parent to worry? In our world, will their sweet, caring, loving sensibilities be swallowed? Is it possible for them to remain who they are without being trampled by those around them?

In my eyes, it's a mother's job to worry; it's part of who I am. But in that moment, I had to remind myself that we can't protect our children from everything. Many well-meaning parents insulate their children from the bad things in this world, and as a result, their children are ill-equipped to face those situations. I know that it's my job, as Cadie and Maddie's mom, to raise them to be the best Cadie and Maddie that they can be. And I think we're off to a pretty good start.